Once again I find myself sat in an airport in Ireland-Cork to be specific. However, this time I am not with glass of wine in hand. My last blog was quite cathartic for me and I feel like a switch has been flicked. I was reminded over weekend of something my business partner had once said to me ‘you can have your dreams or you can have your excuses but you can’t have both’
I’ve not written for a long time because to be honest I haven’t had the energy or was not ready to face what I was doing.
Last summer I felt AMAZING. Seriously it’s been a long time since I felt that good and getting my 50lb award was unbelievable plus I was only half a stone away from goal. Suddenly after all this time it seemed achievable-I was nearly there!
However…I now sit here over a stone heavier with disappointment firmly at the front of my mind. So what happened?
I’m fully aware that what I’m about to say sounds like excuses but here we go:
I was ill in July and August last year. I was getting dizzy spells, was light headed and at times felt my head was going to explode or I was going to pass out and never wake up. It was a very scary time as I didn’t know what was happening to me. In addition my appetite was ridiculous and I could go from nought to starving in less than 10 minutes. I also craved sugar. I had various tests but after 4 weeks it was concluded that it was down to stress. I was by this point showing 5lb gain. I then went on holiday and had a lovely time and put on a further 3lb.
Once back from my holiday I got back into gear but due to work I had to change my weigh in meeting. I can’t believe the impact this had and I just couldn’t get my head around being weighed on a different day. I eventually settled back into a Friday weigh in but at lunchtime instead of the morning.
So I was back on track and Christmas was fast approaching. Just before Christmas my mum was admitted to hospital and on Christmas Day we were called to the hospital as she was very poorly and was being admitted to ICU. (She had the Aussie Flu). Thankfully after 3 weeks she was out of danger.
Once again I got myself into gear but before I knew it my birthday was here which I was away for and then my mum got married. All lovely happy occasions which I celebrated and enjoyed.
Then it was time to get back on it. A few weeks later was Easter and as we had missed out on Christmas we chose Easter Sunday to have our Christmas Day. Eastmas as we called it. It was a fab day but I’m sure you can imagine what Christmas Day dinner combined with Easter chocolate looked like!
Ok so that was done and dusted AGAIN time to get back on track. I started my exercise again which for me makes a real difference.
Then last week my brother-in-law (who is just 4 days older than me) ended up in a coma due to an infection and we sat in the hospital last Monday night as the doctor told us they had saved his life once but they couldn’t guarantee they could do it again. My go to-as you probably know-is cheese wine and repeat which I spent all last week doing. Resulting in 3lb gain last week.
He is now out of the woods.
Yesterday after I dropped Scarlett at school I decided to have a day off. Time for me. I had breakfast in bed and watched a film and then I slept for a few hours. When I woke up I woke up feeling better and stronger.
I appreciate that people go through much worse than this and it could be looked like I was just using all these things as an excuse to abuse my body with crap whilst telling myself it was justified.
Last night I went back to a weights class that I love doing. For me my happy weight is always when I have also exercised. They go hand in hand. I feel stronger both physically and mentally. So yes I am a stone heavier and yes I have got things coming up-wedding this weekend, friends 40th the next. BUT it’s time to take back control. It’s time to be me 😊
When I started back on WW after my daughter was born I set myself a personal target of 11 5. This was the weight I was when I got married. I genuinely couldn’t see myself getting to my recommended goal weight of 10 6-and that’s the top end of it!
Today though after 3 years I achieved it!
3.5 stone gone, and I know for some that might seem along time but if you’ve read my blogs from the start you will know the challenges I have faced both mentally and work wise.
What’s interesting though is that despite hitting my personal goal I’m almost a dress size bigger than I was then. At the time I was doing boot camp 4 times a week so although I’m chuffed to bits I’ve hit it it just shows how much of an impact exercise has. I still do exercise but not to the extent I did then-throw a 3 year old in the mix and popping off for an hours boot camp 4 times a week doesn’t work so my exercise these days is a home workout that I can do with Scarlett in the house.
I would say the last 6-8 months have been when I’ve got to grips with things more and even though I enjoy my weekly ‘treat’ night I have made small changes bit by bit and all of a sudden goal is just 13lb away!
Before that though there’s the ‘small’ matter of reaching my 50lb loss award which is just 1 pound away! It’s my friends hen party next weekend but before I head off on Friday I will be getting weighed and fully intend to walk out clutching my 50lb award and feeling FABULOUS as I head off on a hen weekend-bring it on! 💪🏻
A few months ago I saw an advert for Children In Need Gung Ho event. If you are not familiar with this (I’d never heard of it) it’s a 5k giant inflatable obstacle course.
I have never done anything like this before but thought it looked fun and that lots of other people would agree and we would do it as a group whilst also raising money so I purchased my ticket and was looking forward to it.
However, not as many people were as interested as I thought and those that were didn’t end up booking on. Fortunately my sister signed up too.
I lost count of the amount of times I watched the videos from previous years as I worked out which obstacles would be ok and which would cause some problems.
The morning of the race arrived and I woke up at 5am as I had been dreaming about a particular obstacle convinced I wouldn’t make it over 🙈
I had heard you could bypass any obstacles if you wanted to so that made me feel ok but after a few texts from my friend I realised that if I was doing it then I was doing it all. She kept telling me to enjoy it-I couldn’t even enjoy breakfast I was that nervous!
We were in the 12.30 ‘wave’. When I had picked our race packs up I was told the average time to do it was 50 minutes so I decided to give myself 90!
We did our warm up then made our way to the starting line where I was seriously wondering what the hell I had let myself in for!
The countdown was on ‘Gung ho!’ was shouted and off we went….
Once over the first obstacle it didn’t seem as daunting as I first thought and lots of people were walking so there was no pressure to run it all. The next couple of obstacles were ok and I started to enjoy it!
We then came across an obstacle that we had to jump over and it was about 8ft high! The Marshall said run don’t stop then jump and over! I eyed it dubiously thinking that it was never going to happen. I ran, I jumped, I landed on the top of it and then I felt myself start to slide back down…my brain was saying ‘no no no, you are not doing it again!’ So with all my strength I desperately clawed and scrabbled (must have looked a right state 😂) until I got over it!
We carried on mixing walking and running-although we sprinted like athletes when we passed our family support as though we hadn’t strolled around any of it…😉
There were 10 obstacles in total and number 8 was the one that had had me awake since 5am. It was a wall with holes in and logic was telling me it wasn’t going to happen especially when I put my foot in one hole, hand further up then thought ‘what the hell do I do now?!’ Until I heard a voice from above saying ‘grab my hand’ I looked up to see a Marshall sat on top of the wall with his hand held out to help me up. Once at the top I wasn’t sure how to get down to just slid down the wall and hoped nobody saw my tshirt roll up to flash my fetching sports bra and belly!
The next obstacle was one I hadn’t seen before so was an unknown. It was bloody massive and I slipped a few times but made it through it.
Then the last one. A HUGE slide. No idea how tall it was but it was tall!
The Marshall at the bottom was brilliant and when it was your turn to go just shouted ‘GO GO GO GO GO!!’ until you reached the top.
Once at the top I was the most nervous I had been. It was so high and there was water all over the slide but I thought I can’t go back now so off I went! Down the slide and into the foam.
It took us 57 minutes (including waiting for our turn on the obstacles).
I am so proud that we did it. I would never have done anything like this before losing weight with Weight Watchers and I fully intend to do it all over again next year!
Not blogged for ages sorry as just been so busy plus I’m using my journal to the full and spilling all my confessions out in that!
I wanted to let you know where I’m up to. 5 weeks ago I started a brand new journal along with a 10 week home improvement workout. I haven’t in this time used the gym.
There a few things that have changed in the last few weeks:
1-I track Fridays. I get weighed on a Friday and as we know anything goes on weigh in day! I’m not counting it in but I’m writing it down and totting it up which is a start-and also making me reign in my ‘cheat’ day.
2-Still on tracking, I HONESTLY track. I had a terrible hangover day a couple of weeks ago where I went through 113 SP in a day-A DAY!! 🙈 but for me that made me aware of what I was dealing with so focused on the rest of the week and had a loss that week.
3-I still haven’t had a takeaway pizza. We are now coming up to 7 months! Can I make it to a year??? Think it’s a month at a time thing.
4-When I look back at my weekends it might not seem it but I’m ‘better’ than I have been (sort of)
5-I have stuck to my exercise program. I’m at the halfway mark of it and lost 4.5 inches and 3.5lbs. Now I appreciate some of you are thinking is that all in 5 weeks??!! But putting it in context of 5 meals/drinks out, being a tired mummy, wife and employee who has not put anything on hold and enjoyed nights out and I’ll happily take that
6-my clothes are looser. I wore a pleated size 12 skirt last weekend! Pleats are not forgiving if they are tight. I was going to wear pumps with my outfit (which would have looked great) but I wasn’t quite ready to give up a little height to help me look slightly thiner. More confidence needed here!
7-this is a biggy for me. Those who have read previous posts will know the battle I had with PND and the horrid things you say to yourself but I’m kinder to myself which makes me happier. I track everything so therefore I’m aware of what I’m eating. Then I let it go, because there’s no point dwelling on the fact I’ve eaten a big cheese butty! It’s gone (and enjoyed),so I’ve let it go.
There’s still plenty of changes to make but I feel like there’s changes happening that are for good!
Fish, chips and peas in cafe
3 x jacket with tuna mayo and cheese in supermarket cafes
Chippy lunch of chips, mushy peas and a round of thick white bread with butter
2 blocks of Brie
1 block blue cheese
I block Jarslberg
1 peanut butter chunky
Tube of smarties
3 full fat cheese and tomato sandwiches
Approximately 6 bottles full fat wine and 6 low cal wine
In addition to my lovely pointed meals I have eaten the above in the last 2 weeks, this has resulted in 3lb gain over the 2 weeks and a very bloated belly-it actually hurts as it feels that big.
I ate a pizza!
Went out for a belated Christmas lunch with some of my helpers from one of my meetings. It was an Italian and I’ve not had a pizza for AGES. (I’m still going strong on my takeaway and haven’t had one since 10th September so coming up to 5 months! 👍🏻)
So I ordered the pizza. Thin crust 10in with tuna and pineapple. I wasn’t planning on eating it all but I did because it was so nice just to eat a pizza that wasn’t made from lavash wraps.
I was also really hungry. I was like that all last week-I nearly crashed my car because I was reaching into the back to grab a packet of WW crisps and looked back up at the road in time to swerve away from a parked car 😱. Could you imagine if I had hit it? ‘I’m sorry I drove into your car but I was hungry!’ ??
Anyway back to the meal. Quite a lot of wine was drunk and I had a couple of glasses when I went home which resulted in my husband putting me to bed with a glass of water at 9pm!
Yesterday dawned and although I wasn’t ill I had hangover munchies-I was even tempted to go to McDonalds
So it was crumpets and cheese on toast for most of the day and a few wines at the night with yet more cheese.
This is 2 weeks on the run where I’ve over indulged on Saturday resulting in poor choices on the Sunday. I gained half on Friday and need to get my head back in it to stop another gain this week.
I enjoyed my pizza, I haven’t even looked up the Smart Points value yet but I will today when I sit down with my journal. It’s my birthday at the end of February and I’m going for 5.5lb off for then. No more silly Saturdays-next Saturday it will be back to a homemade low pointed pizza