I’ve not written for a long time because to be honest I haven’t had the energy or was not ready to face what I was doing.
Last summer I felt AMAZING. Seriously it’s been a long time since I felt that good and getting my 50lb award was unbelievable plus I was only half a stone away from goal. Suddenly after all this time it seemed achievable-I was nearly there!
However…I now sit here over a stone heavier with disappointment firmly at the front of my mind. So what happened?
I’m fully aware that what I’m about to say sounds like excuses but here we go:
I was ill in July and August last year. I was getting dizzy spells, was light headed and at times felt my head was going to explode or I was going to pass out and never wake up. It was a very scary time as I didn’t know what was happening to me. In addition my appetite was ridiculous and I could go from nought to starving in less than 10 minutes. I also craved sugar. I had various tests but after 4 weeks it was concluded that it was down to stress. I was by this point showing 5lb gain. I then went on holiday and had a lovely time and put on a further 3lb.
Once back from my holiday I got back into gear but due to work I had to change my weigh in meeting. I can’t believe the impact this had and I just couldn’t get my head around being weighed on a different day. I eventually settled back into a Friday weigh in but at lunchtime instead of the morning.
So I was back on track and Christmas was fast approaching. Just before Christmas my mum was admitted to hospital and on Christmas Day we were called to the hospital as she was very poorly and was being admitted to ICU. (She had the Aussie Flu). Thankfully after 3 weeks she was out of danger.
Once again I got myself into gear but before I knew it my birthday was here which I was away for and then my mum got married. All lovely happy occasions which I celebrated and enjoyed.
Then it was time to get back on it. A few weeks later was Easter and as we had missed out on Christmas we chose Easter Sunday to have our Christmas Day. Eastmas as we called it. It was a fab day but I’m sure you can imagine what Christmas Day dinner combined with Easter chocolate looked like!
Ok so that was done and dusted AGAIN time to get back on track. I started my exercise again which for me makes a real difference.
Then last week my brother-in-law (who is just 4 days older than me) ended up in a coma due to an infection and we sat in the hospital last Monday night as the doctor told us they had saved his life once but they couldn’t guarantee they could do it again. My go to-as you probably know-is cheese wine and repeat which I spent all last week doing. Resulting in 3lb gain last week.
He is now out of the woods.
Yesterday after I dropped Scarlett at school I decided to have a day off. Time for me. I had breakfast in bed and watched a film and then I slept for a few hours. When I woke up I woke up feeling better and stronger.
I appreciate that people go through much worse than this and it could be looked like I was just using all these things as an excuse to abuse my body with crap whilst telling myself it was justified.
Last night I went back to a weights class that I love doing. For me my happy weight is always when I have also exercised. They go hand in hand. I feel stronger both physically and mentally. So yes I am a stone heavier and yes I have got things coming up-wedding this weekend, friends 40th the next. BUT it’s time to take back control. It’s time to be me 😊